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Holding On
I wonder where
the time went.
What
happened to the the fingerprints and toys strewn all about?
The crumbs across the floor?
I
remember watching you breathe as you slept.
I was impatient, I wanted you to wake up.
Now I am thankful that you find time to sleep.
I knew
what you were saying when no one else could understand you.
We had our own language.
You needed me for boo boos, for kisses and protection. I made
everything better.
How it hurts knowing that I can't fix everything for you now.
Yet I yearn to.
We had lunch together,
went on walks, talked for hours.
Now, these times are spent with your friends.
I helped you with your homework because you needed me to explain things.
Then suddenly, you began explaining things to me.
There
was a time I picked out your clothes, and you loved them.
Today, you thanked me for letting you choose your own.
You listened to every story I told you with great wonder.
Now, I want to hear your stories and when I do, I am lost in the wonder of
you.
Yes, the days of brushing your hair are gone.
Singing childhood songs together.
Feeling your tiny hand clinging so tightly to mine.
The days of spending endless time together have been surrendered to ‘private
space’.
The sleepless nights, wondering when you'd get home.
Now, I don't even know when you've gone out.
That worries me even more.
Today
I will safely tuck away the coloring books
Right next to your first pair of shoes
And the first picture you drew of me and you standing in the sun.
Remember that?
Santa
Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy. Packed away too.
Not because I wanted to, but because you ‘grew up’.
Who ever came up with that idea anyway? Growing Up.
How difficult this concept is.
I find it so very hard to let go.
My how
we have progressed my child.
You needed me for so long and then somewhere along the line
I began needing you. And still do.
From holding you in my arms, to holding hands, to holding hearts
Left
only now with holding on.
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